Thursday, March 1, 2018

Happy to be with you..


Depression sure has slowed us down. In those moments we felt like our joy has been robbed, our lives disoriented. We would wake up in the morning with sighs in our breaths, with weight in our chest, trying to gasp for hope (me, not Timo. Timo wished never to wake up), and to know that today might just gonna be the same, that change might not happen, it is not strange to start being suicidal. I remember having Timo slept for 4 days straight, waking up just to see me and smile, he didnt shower, he barely ate. At that time i havent completely understood what's he going through because he was just in pain and disappoinment and it must be hard for him to spill out everything, it would only evoke more pain.
Doubt and anger would arise in me seeing him like that, thinking that he's being slothful, that he's just trying to make excuse when he said my coming made him happy and helped him to sleep peacefully. His friends testified for him to me that he's a great and influencial man who knows what he's doing, is this really the man ? When i saw him on his bed, sleeping 4 days, while we should've been working, with all those doubts, hatred stirred up in me. I looked at him with utter contempt for a moment. And when my reason came back to me, i immediately regret it, i promised myself to love him more, knowing that Timo is not always like this, i've seen a glimpse of it, the man behind the glass, in his talk, in his eyes, in his smile when he recalls how he was in the past, when he corrects me, when he passes wisdom to me. But we never have too little of love, in spite of depression, we have happiness, destitute as we may be, but we have each other - and we are content.
And in slowing down, i get to see many precious things i wouldn't see before meeting Timo and his depression.

NOTE: Timo is in the process of recovery (yes, the depression has lifted! 😃) i will share more about the cause of his depression, how it was lifted, and how depression ruins us, and what we're working on now. 

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