Thursday, March 1, 2018

Hanging on..


We've reached a point where we could laugh off the little savings we have left. Last night, however, something inside me just snapped. 
We plan to sell our cars cuz the bills are just too much, so we need to work separately. But I can't rely on Timo being left alone cuz last time i did for a month, he collapsed and being unorganized and ended up doing nothing. Which leaves me frustrated, our work is not progressing, why can't he be more effective, what if God would say that we are stupid and it's our fault not to believe in money? I was quite determined to ditch our calling and just go for something that make a lot of money for us. It's so hard to work with Timo in his state, It's quicker to do it myself, but then i have to do everything, just what do we have to do ? 

Timo has lost his passion, and i just think that he cant draw while the fact is he needs more time to recover, the time which i dont think we have. I grow impatient when we discuss our work and draw together, i thought if we cant work together anymore, there's no point to stay in this relationship any longer, which might sound silly cuz there's no correlation between relationship and work. I just thought maybe Timo would get upset of my impatience and would consider some other girl to help him cuz i feel ashamed to be easily frustrated towards him that it makes me think bad of myself and feel sorry for him to end up with me. But Timo is not that kind of guy, and so do i. We've never thought of considering some other guy or girl thinking, "i should've been with someone else." I've tried to bring myself think that way but it's so stupid no matter how i see it, cuz it would be all about me.
For love (and marriage) is not only about being happy, but to say that, "life would bring you misery, but i commit myself to go through it with you, to be there for you, to share in the suffering with you, and to give thanks to the God who gives me companion to enjoy the fullness of joy and glory in sharing it all." So, in keeping myself reminded of all this, i pray GOD would give me the patience when GOD is rebuilding what's been broken. 

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