I read yaamas' blog this morning on how his life has changed bcoz of God.. And it really touched me becoz quite surprisingly, what happened to him happened to me in the (almost) same way..
I just wanna share about this thing a bit here..
I lived my life in Melbourne for almost 3 years by my own. And there, i was so bound with my solitude and was depressed with loneliness. I chased people away, i made walls and i just wanted to be alone. Im not sure why i did those things, but i reckon i just couldnt accept the changes in my circumstances, since im a type of person who takes long time to adapt with changes. Although i didnt really complain to God for putting me there, but what i said completely explained that i was not happy to be there thou i knew perfectly well that God has put me there for a reason.
I had a dream since i was a kid but as time went by, as i knew about the people who live the same dream, the dream that i wanted to achieve was not based on my childhood's dream anymore, it was for my pride, for my own.. Even though in heart i always praise Him after finishing my drawing, but in the end what i did was all for myself..
But then He touched me.
I was so sick with myself for being lukewarm and completely ignoring HIM when i was back in my comfort zone (my home), I hated myself for being that way while my soul and heart yearning for HIM but my flesh and mind were so weak. And when i thought God has given up on me and left me, HE came to me and touched me. And for the second time i fell in love with HIm again (first time, long time ago) =) At that moment my mind and my heart were just really focused on Him and in a snap my perspectives changed completely.. The vision that He gave me years ago came back to me and i could put away my dream for HIS.. I was foolish because i could've learned so much more from my solitary life in Melbourne, but no regrets coz it's never too late.. And now, since i have completely devoted my life to Him and HIS will, i dont want people to know me for my drawings, i want people to know me for what HE has done in me..
Yes i am now back to my comfort zone (my home) and staying here for good. But i've changed the 'comfort' to 'challenge' zone, becoz everything has changed since i left home for Melbourne. And every problem to solve and challenge to venture are all in here. I could say that my life in Melbourne was a 'training ground'. And the trick is how to perform the good things i've learned from Melbourne here in Indo.
My passion now is Him and to chase His will.. And my dream? That the world will see God through my art.. =) I do not draw for people or for myself anymore, yes i still do drawings for my practice, besides i love drawing beautiful things and telling stories through painting.. But my audience is Him, and everything i draw is for HIS glory.. I praise You, Father..